


Insomnia

by Nylocke



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Coffee, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Irondad, Late Night Conversations, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Platonic Tony/Peter, Rating for Language, Sneaking Out, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 15:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14875973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nylocke/pseuds/Nylocke
Summary: God, it always felt so real.





	Insomnia

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of feelings after _Infinity War_. I decided to write them out. Peter Parker deserves the world, but the world doesn't deserve him. 
> 
> Many thanks to Eriakit for beta reading this, and also for somehow managing to make what happened in _Infinity War_ even more sad. 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading!

For a high-security, technologically advanced facility in the middle of nowhere, owned and guarded by the world’s most powerful defenders, it was surprisingly easy to sneak out of. Peter snuck out pretty much every single night--and, in his defense, it was Mr. Stark’s fault for giving him a room with such a huge window--and nobody had said or done anything about it. He barely even bothered to close his window anymore. He would creep out into the night and swing around the forest for hours at a time. It wasn’t quite like New York City--Peter had never truly appreciated how perfect New York City was for a web-slinging superhero until he moved upstate to live on the Avengers compound. But living at the compound was perfect--living, training, doing missions, everything as part of the team. It was everything Peter had ever dreamed of.

That is, everything he had dreamed of before the snap.

As of late, Peter found it harder and harder to sleep at night. He would lay there for hours, struggling to fall asleep as the memories of what happened flooded his mind and made his senses shriek with panic. If he actually managed to sleep, it was more of the same--painful, panicked nightmares. He could almost feel his body turning to dust once more, disintegrating before his eyes as he vanished from a wasteland trillions of miles from home. He would wake in a cold sweat, shuddering, and he would often open his window to let the cold air dance across his skin, to remind himself that he was _here_ , alive. He could touch, feel, breathe. Before he would even realize, his suit would be on, and he would be swinging from tree to tree, letting the breeze envelop him like a cool embrace.

~*~

“He’s out again,” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice chimed in Tony’s ear.

Tony sighed, setting down the parts he was tinkering with. He took a seat with a groan. “F.R.I.D.A.Y., start the coffee pot.”

On the corner of the table, the coffee maker sprung to life, hissing as steam rolled out from under its lid. Tony took the mug in his hands, letting the steam drift over his face for a moment.

“Check his vitals.”

The AI was silent for a moment. “Vitals are normal. Should I call him for you?”

Tony took a long sip of coffee. “No. No, that’s fine. Wouldn’t do any good, anyways. The kid needs his space, you know? Time alone. He doesn’t need a helicopter… mentor.”

“You’re worried about him.”

A silence hung in the room. “I’m always worried about him.”

~*~

Peter stumbled into the kitchen late the next morning. He mumbled a half-hearted “g’morning,” as he made his way to the coffee machine. Tony beat him there, pouring a large mug and pushing it into the boy’s hands. Peter smiled, exhausted, but genuine.

“Thanks, Mr. Stark.”

“Didn’t sleep well?”

“Oh, I slept fine,” Peter lied. “I’m, uh, I’m just not really a morning person, is all.”

Tony nodded, noting the way that Peter avoided his gaze. “Me neither. Never was, frankly. How’s your bed? Comfortable? You like it?”

“It’s great, Mr. Stark. Super comfy. I’d been sleeping on the same mattress since I was a kid before I moved here. I mean, there was nothing wrong with it--” Peter cut himself off to take a sip of coffee. “Why replace something that’s not broken, y’know? It’s nice to have something new for a change, though.”

Tony clasped Peter’s shoulder with a smirk. “I’m glad you like it, kid. Be honest--don’t just say what you think I wanna hear: how do you feel about living here?” He held up a finger as Peter opened his mouth to reply. “ _Honest_. It’s just you and me. You can tell me.”

Peter smiled, that kind of smile that made his eyes twinkle. “It’s the best thing in the world. Honest.”

“What, so it’s perfect? You don’t mind Vision melding through walls randomly? Or Steve pouring his god damn coffee grounds into the garbage disposal? Because that annoys the piss out of me, honestly--”

“It’s perfect, Mr. Stark. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.” Peter hesitated. “I do miss May, though. And Ned. Like, I know we call each other all the time, but it’s different when you don’t live with someone anymore, I guess. I dunno. Like, I wouldn’t trade this for the world, and I wouldn’t say I’m… homesick? I dunno.”

“I know, kid. It’s rough, sometimes. Sometimes, there’s always somewhere you’d rather be, no matter where you’re at,” Tony replied, wrapping his arm around Peter’s shoulders. Peter smiled again, then took another long sip of coffee.

“So, uh, what are we doing today?”

“Training.”

~*~

“Hey, Peter! How’s it going, man? How’s the Avenger life treating you?”

A broad grin broke across Peter’s face as Ned’s voice came over the phone. “It’s great, Ned. I keep thinking I’m gonna get used to it, like, I’m gonna settle in, and it’s gonna start feeling normal, but it never does. It’s insane. Like, today, we didn’t even do any missions or anything; we just hit the training deck, like, all day. And it was insane! Dude, Thor is so crazy powerful, his eyes glow, and he goes all _aaaaaaaaaaah_ , and--”

“Dude, no way!”

“I know! And he’s got that new axe, Stormbreaker, because his sister broke his hammer--”

“Holy shit, you’re kidding!”

“No! She did! Smashed it with one hand!”

“Mjolnir?! That’s impossible!”

“That’s what he thought! But she’s, like, the goddess of death--er, was, I guess, because she’s dead now--”

“Did Thor kill her?”

“No, man, he summoned some giant demon dude and brought Ragnarok to Asgard--”

“Dude,” Ned’s voice suddenly became serious, “I can’t believe you know Thor. Like, _know_ him. Personally. You _live_ with him! Thor! God of Thunder! Strongest Avenger!”

Peter chuckled. “I dunno man, I’d be careful about who you call the strongest Avenger. They get into really heated arguments about it sometimes. Apparently, Mr. Stark programmed one of their jets to only accept the Hulk as the strongest Avenger. I think Thor is still a little mad.”

“Is he insanely shredded or what?”

“Holy shit, dude, _yes_. It’s not fair. He’s literally so muscular. It’s insane.”

Ned laughed incredulously. “Dude. You’re literally living the dream right now.”

“I am,” Peter agreed. He hesitated. “I do miss you guys, though. A lot.”

“Aww, Peter. We miss you too, man. Come visit, if you can. MJ keeps saying that she’ll never forgive you for leaving the trivia team, but I think that’s just her way of saying she misses you, too.”

“I’ll see what I can do. It’s not easy getting a weekend off from being Spider-man.”

“God, that’s still so fucking cool,” Ned whispered. “Anyway, take care, rest up. Sounds like you had a long day.”

“Yeah. Goodnight, Ned. Talk to you soon.”

Peter hung up the phone and tossed it on his bed. He sighed, the smile fading from his lips as he stared at the floor.

~*~

_I don’t want to go, Mr. Stark, please…_

Tony gasped, jerking awake in a cold sweat. He clutched the sheets of his bed, grasping desperately at the cloth. It was dark. He was in his room. The walls were blue. He was in the Avengers compound. He was in upstate New York. He was home. Peter was down the hall in his room. Peter was home. Peter was home, with him, here, in upstate New York, in the Avengers compound with blue walls.

Peter was alive.

His hands trembled as he stared at the sheets, still crumpled tightly in his clenched fists. He forced himself to let go as tears soaked into the fabric, and he shook with sobs for a moment.

God, it always felt so real.

Tony stood, slowly, taking deep breaths as he did his best to ground himself. He couldn’t tell which he hated more: being awake all night, or actually falling asleep. Dreaming.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., put some coffee on for me, would you?”

“The coffee pot in the lab is empty. Should I use the one in the kitchen?” The AI replied. Tony groaned.

“Yeah, that’s fine. Thanks, F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

Tony rubbed his face with his hands before making his way towards the kitchen. A noise startled him, and he instinctively shrank against the wall of the hallway, peering as far as he could into the kitchen from where he stood.

“Kid?”

Peter jumped, nearly dropping the bowl of cereal he held in his hands. “O-oh, uh, hey, hey, Mr. Stark! I-I was just--god, you scared me--what are you doing up? I was, uh, I was just up, and the coffee pot turned itself on--that kind of freaked me out, too. Definitely startled me a bit. What’s up?”

“I was just getting some coffee.”

“O-oh, alright, so you turned it on? The coffee pot? What, is it, like, hooked up to an AI or something? That’s so cool. Did you integrate all of the technology in the compound?”

“Some of it, yeah. What are you doing up?”

“Nothing, nothing, Mr. Stark. I just, uh, I’m just a night owl, is all.”

Tony nodded as he poured two mugs of coffee. “Here. You want some?”

“Yeah, thanks.” He took a long sip and hummed. “That’s really good. Thank you so much.”

“Don’t mention it.” They took a seat at the counter, perched on stools in the dim light of the kitchen. They sat in silence, each sipping their coffee, until Tony cleared his throat. “Listen… If you need to talk to someone, you can talk to me. Okay? I don’t want you to feel like you’ve got to keep everything all bottled up. It’s unhealthy. Bad for your heart or something.”

“Thanks, Mr. Stark.”

“You’ve been through a lot, kid. I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t apologize.”

Tony glanced sideways at the boy. Peter stared down into his coffee, eyes distant. Tony sighed.

“It’s not your fault, Mr. Stark. None of it. _I’m_ sorry. I feel like… I dunno. Please don’t apologize.”

Tony wrapped his arm around Peter’s shoulders. “Alright.” He squeezed tight, giving Peter a sort of half-hug. “It’s late. Can you sleep?”

Peter shook his head, blinking rapidly. Tony nodded.

“Want to see what I’ve been working on?”

Peter turned, a smile breaking across his face. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d love to.”

Tony led him back to the lab, coffee in hand. “You’re gonna love this, really.” He made a big, grandiose gesture at his work table, which held several beakers and machine parts. “It’s self-replicating web fluid. For your suit. You won’t ever have to worry about running out or changing the cartridge--it does it all for you. Nanotechnology. Super cool, right?”

Peter was absolutely beaming. “No way, that’s insane! That’s literally the coolest thing ever. Thank you so much.”

“I mean, it’s not done quite yet,” Tony added quickly. “It’s just a little project I’ve been working on. See these here,” he said, gesturing towards two circular disks, “contain microscopic nanobots that synthesize web fluid when these sensors--” he gestured towards two thin wires “--detect that it’s getting low.”

“Mr. Stark, you’re the best.”

Tony shrugged. “It’s the least I can do, kid.”

~*~

“Mr. Stark?”

Tony glanced over his shoulder at the doorway. Peter entered the lab, carrying a mug of coffee in each hand. “I, uh, I saw that the light was on--I hope I’m not intruding or anything. I just thought, if you were up working, you might want some caffeine.” He set the mug down on the table. Tony put a hand on the small of Peter’s back.

“Thanks, kiddo.” He gave the coffee a taste, raising his eyebrows as it passed over his tongue. “That’s really good.”

“I asked Ms. F.R.I.D.A.Y. to make it,” Peter admitted sheepishly. “She’s really nice. I’d love to look at the code for her sometime. I mean, if that’s alright with you, of course.”

Tony nodded. “Yeah, we can crack her open sometime and take a peak. For your eyes only, though. This can’t go on your blog or whatever it is you kids have nowadays.”

Peter laughed. “Of course. My eyes only.” He sat cross-legged on a stool and sipped his coffee. “So, uh, what are you working on tonight?”

“I’m working on a way to integrate automatic wound-sealing tech into your suit,” Tony replied. “See, my suit’s got these little nano-tech blasters built into the wrist, right? Just shoot them at any wound and you’re good to go. But that wouldn’t do for your suit--it would be too bulky, and besides, you might be, like, mid-combat or something. So, obviously, the best thing to do would be to have the suit automatically do it for you if you get cut.” He tapped his pencil against his notes. “It’s a bit difficult, thought. The fluid would have to be able to get anywhere in the suit at any given time, so it would take integrating a sort of vein-structure into--”

“You don’t have to do that, Mr. Stark.”

Tony raised his eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

“I-I mean, you don’t, like--” Peter stammered, shrinking under Tony’s gaze, “You don’t have to stress about it. Like, I have really fast healing already, so that’s super handy. So, like, I can walk that kind of stuff off, usually. Like, I mean, this seems _really_ complicated--”

“It is complicated,” Tony agreed. “But it’s worth it.” He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “It’s just a project. Something I’ve been working on at night. Not a big deal.”

“Not stressing you out?”

“Not stressing me out.”

Peter nodded, biting his lip. “Look, Mr. Stark--”

“What stresses me out,” Tony interrupted, “is the thought of you dying on the battlefield when I could have done something that would have saved you. Hindsight is 20/20, but I can’t afford to wait until it’s hindsight. I need to have foresight, see? I need to think ahead and be prepared for this shit to happen, because anything can happen out there, but the one thing that _can’t_ happen out there is losing you again. It can’t. Understood?”

“I understand, sir, I’m sorry--”

“Don’t say sorry,” Tony said with a dismissive wave. “You haven’t done anything wrong. Save your sorrys for when you really need them, alright?”

“Sorr--yes, sir.”

“Good,” Tony said, giving Peter a firm clasp on the shoulder.

~*~

Peter crept in through the kitchen window. He knew it was a terrible idea, but the lights were off in the kitchen, so he figured Tony must be in bed for once. And he _really_ needed a cup of coffee. He clung to the ceiling, gently nudged the window shut with his foot, and lowered himself slowly, touching down on the ground without a single sound. He exhaled as he tapped his suit, letting the fabric loosen around him and fall from his shoulders.

“Welcome back.”

Peter jumped nearly a foot in the air, stumbling as he whirled around to face the source of the voice. Tony sat at the kitchen counter, coffee mug raised to his frowning lips.

“M-Mr. Stark, I’m so sorry! I thought you would be in bed by now--I didn’t mean to sneak out! I mean, I did, but, like, not on _purpose_! I just--”

Tony pushed a mug of coffee across the counter towards him. “Thought you might like one of these. It’s chilly out there. You didn’t even wear a jacket.”

Peter sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Tony raised a finger. “Mm, nope, we talked about this. Save your sorrys, remember?”

Peter blinked. “I-I mean, yeah, but--”

“If I had wanted to stop you, I would have done it the first time you snuck off.”

Peter nodded slowly. “So… you knew the whole time?”

“Integrated technology,” Tony replied simply. “Kid, you might be a genius, but I was a genius first, alright? Besides, it doesn’t take a genius to notice when someone is sneaking out. Repeatedly.” He grimaced at the look on Peter’s face. “Listen, I’m not mad. I’m not even disappointed. Hell, I’m just worried that you’re not sleeping enough. It’s exhausting, insomnia. I’m sorry you’ve got to suffer with it now. Look, if there’s anything I can do…”

Peter bit his lip. He took the coffee mug in his hand and sipped it slowly. “Mr. Stark, you’ve already done more than I could have ever asked for. These nights… staying up late with you is so much better than staying up alone, y’know? And, like, you _get_ it. You never tell me to go back to bed or to just try to relax. I really appreciate it. I am sorry I made you worry, though.”

“Don’t be. I’m always worried about something. Someone. Multiple someones. Billions of someones, actually. It’s stressful as hell. But that’s not on you.”

“That’s not on you either, Mr. Stark.”

Tony sat up straighter in his chair, eyeing Peter with an raised brow.

“I know you blame yourself for a lot of stuff, and I know you carry a lot of guilt. But… for what it’s worth, you shouldn’t have to. You can’t save everybody, y’know? I know you want to--believe me, I know. I know you feel responsible for them, but at the end of the day, you’ve put yourself on the line for them countless times. You’re always ready to do what needs to be done, put yourself between the world and evil and do everything you can to protect them. You’ve always done _everything_ you can for other people. I dunno about you, Mr. Stark, but to me, that’s what it means to be a hero. And I’ll always look up to you--no matter how bad _you_ think you are, _I_ know that you’re a hero.”

Tony stood slowly and crossed to where Peter stood, wrapping his arms tightly around the boy. “You’re going to make me cry, you little shit.”

“Sorry.”

“I love you, Peter. You know that?”

“I know. I love you too, Mr. Stark.”


End file.
